Scarred For Life!
by fire-dragonz
Summary: Set During Season 2 Our favourite evil duo star as the main characters in this short story. Why it's Shendu and Valmont of course! Unfortuantely they get themselves into a bit of bother until luckily they are rescued by an unlikely hero. RR please!


This is my first Valmont/Shendu story. I am gonna attempt to make it humour, I say attempt so don't expect too much! Well anyway these two are my fav evil duo so I hope I portray them well. Set in Season two, lets say just after Po Kong's portal. Season 2 was my fav out of all the seasons!

Valmont – **Bold**

Shendu - _Italics_

Valmont lay happily in his grand king size bed. Even though he had not quite opened his eyes yet he could tell from the warm patch on his cheek that it was a beautiful day outside.

Taking a deep breath Valmont prepared for his morning stretch, one, two, three,

ahhhhhh perfect! Wait, not perfect what was that large object that he had just hit?

Valmont abruptly opened his eyes and bravely looked to his left. " **Arghhh**!" Valmont began tot take deep breaths desperately trying to calm himself down, after a minute or so of panting Valmont eventually cooled down.

" **Shendu, do you have any idea why an old … hag is lying in my bed?**" Valmont whispered, gritting his teeth so as not to lose the plot.

" _Well… you were tired last night after all your failing against the Chans so I decided to take control, I went for a wander and…"_ Shendu stopped to make sure Valmont was listening.

"**AND!"** Valmont frantically shouted at the dragon. Inside his head Shendu smirked, Valmont was extremely predictable.

" _Well, I pitied you. I mean what, you are like 50 years old and..."_

" **I am 36!**" Valmont defended.

" Whatever, I thought she was your type, I found her lying on the street, gave her 5 dollars and she gladly came with me. Don't worry nothing happened I know how you like to take things slow. Just like your brain, that's really slow."

" **Shendu she is about 70 years old!**" Valmont shouted, ignoring Shendu's insults and instead grimacing at the wrinkly lump beside him.

" _I thought males like older women_," Shendu replied innocently, (well, as innocent as Shendu gets)

" _**Not OAPs!"**_ Valmont yelled, he was on breaking point!

" _OAPs?"_ Shendu asked curiously.

"**Never mind!**" was Valmont's angry reply.

The figure stirred and turned around so that Valmont and Shendu could clearly see her face. Both felt sick at the sight. The woman, if you could call it that was hideous. She (he?) had bright makeup that smeared down her extremely creased face. Her teeth were yellow with the occasional black here and there. Her straggly, uncombed grey hair stuck out at all angles and she was the least quiet sleeper that ever em… slept:S

" _Okay, now that I see her in the light I'll admit even you don't deserve such a horrible fate,"_

"**Why thank you Shendu I am touched,"** Valmont replied sarcastically.

" _My siblings wouldn't even devour this beast, not even Po Kong. Now I come to think of it, she resembles my oldest sister,_" Shendu added in thoughtfully.

" **Great, how interesting, now we have to decide what we do with… it." **

" _I could burn her?"_

**"No,"**

_"But" _

**"No,"**

_"Why not?"_

**" You might burn my bedroom,"**

_"So?"_

**"NO!"**

There was a moment's silence in which Valmont could her the demon hissing and cursing throughout his mind.

_" We could sell her to a freak show?"_

" **I don't think even the freak show would except her."**

_" True,"_

_ " Can I massacre her?"_

**"No!"**

_" I promise not to burn anything!"_

** " No! You'll get my bedroom all blood,"**

_ " You and your stupid bedroom, you really need to get out more!"_

**" I have had it up to here with you!"**

" _Up to where? You really have to be more precise Valm…"_

"**AHHH! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"** Valmont screamed in frustration.

The noise of Valmont screaming caused the old hag to arise, " Hey suga, loved the bed, come on I'll repay you, come here and I'll giv ya a big sloppy snog!" the old (he/she) croaked as she got out of the bed and advanced towards Valmont/Shendu.

"**AHHHHHH**_HHHHHHH_" they both yelled simultaneously.

The male's eyes began to flicker between red and blue as he screamed.

**" You take control!"**

_"No you take control!"_

**" Shendu! Kill her!"**

_" What if she touches me before I get to kill her?!"_

**"She won't!"**

_"I don't want to! You kill her! You are the big gangster boss!"_

**" You are the demon sorcerer!"**

Just then Valmont/Shendu collided into a large figure.

"**OU**_CH!"_

The figure turned out to be no other than the dim – witted Ratso, an Italian henchmen of the Dark Hand. " Sorry boss," he mumbled apologetically.

" _So you should be, bashing into me I'll pulverise…"_ Shendu began but was interrupted by Valmont taking control of the body.

"** Shendu enough! It is fine Ratso… I don't suppose you could do me a favour?"**

Ratso stared blankly at his leader. ( In a O-O way)

" **I'll take that as a yes!" **Valmont yelled frantically as he looked behind him seeing that the old woman was gaining on them.

**" Ratso! Please get this evil lady away from me!"**

Quickly Valmont ran behind Ratso, using the Italian man as a sort of shield.

The woman approached of them within the next minute or so but what Ratso did was not at all what Valmont had expected.

" Betty!" Ratso yelled excitedly.

"Ratso!" The old woman replied, equally as excited.

Ratso ran towards the woman and embraced her.

Valmont was extremely shocked by this action.

**"Wait… you know this…woman?"**

Ratso nodded at his boss's question and replied saying, " Yeh, me and Betty dated loads but unfortunately Betty had to leave to go to New York." There was a pause of silence, in which Ratso began to blush eventually he continued, " But I never stopped loving my Betty Bear!" Suddenly the couple broke into tears, " I never stopped loving you too my Ratty Watty Boo!" The pair suddenly began to kiss and cuddle amongst their tears of happiness at being reunited.

_" I have seen many scary things throughout my long life… but that has got to be the scariest by far."_

" **I know how you feel, I'm scarred for life." **

_" Do you want a pizza?"_ Shendu said, changing the conversation.

** " I'm just up. You can't have a pizza for breakfast?"**

_" I'll tell everyone about Mr Tiddles your favourite pink teddy bear."_ Shendu taunted.

" **Fine! We get a pizza," **Valmont sighed in defeat.

_" Yessssssss, extra spicy and full of meat!"_

And with that Valmont/Shendu left the scene still wearing their suit form the night before to get a pizza whilst Ratso and Betty told each other their feelings and well kissed and stuff:P

What do you think? Was my attempt any good? Or should I just give up now?

Ps. Snog means kiss, It's a slang word, if you were wondering.

Anyway read and review and if you liked it I will probably make some more! xxxxx - xxxxx


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